Link

Sometimes, I surprise myself. I like when that happens. I will have a bunch of thoughts in my head, a way that I am feeling, and I dwell/stew on that particular mind set for what feels like an eternity. Until... until something comes along and pops me in the face, startles me, and reminds me that, silly girl, your thinking is all wrong. And usually, what ends up doing that, is myself in the form of something I find in the archives of this blog. Another thing that amazes me is the very obviously cycle to my thoughts and feelings that, for some reason, can be completely oblivious to me. Yes, I mean oblivious. I don't see it until I point it out to myself. And although that sounds odd, hang in there, I think this is going to be an interesting post, and it will all come together in the end. (or at least I thought it would two days ago when I started writing this, not so sure about that coming back to it later, LOL)

It is that time of year again. The time when the calender turns, we all reflect a bit, dream/resolve/promise a lot, and the world seems to bubble with a sense of hope and possibility. I find some years I feel the sensation more than others. This year, I don't feel it as strongly as I have in the past. And that is okay. I am almost thankful for it. There is less mania to the possibilities and a little more grounding. I like that. I was thinking back on the goals I set for myself in January 2009. I grinned at myself this morning when I saw that I had succeeded at a few of those goals, and laughed at the things I wasn't so good about. They are things I will probably never be good about, oh well. I did make more art, and will keep that on my to do list this year. I learned some new things and I did cut out a lot of computer time (though I could still cut back more). PJs are just too dang comforting so I didn't get out of the house as much as I could have, and people, seriously, my business spread sheets are blank (I am going to be kicking myself for not following through on that one).

This year, goals haven't even entered my mind until I sat to write this post. I knew I had set goals last January, looked them up in the old blogger archives, and those last few sentences are the gist of my thoughts about goals this year. I guess this just isn't going to be a goal oriented year for me. You see what I mean about some years being more inspiring than other and how this one is not, yes?

While searching the archives for my goals post, I also made a point to find my word post from 2009. That was the post that smacked me in the face this morning. I have had that nagging feeling that I talked about a few weeks ago and for some reason, that post, the word post, made me stop in my tracks. Made me say to myself a bunch of things all at once. (bare with me some make me sound rather full of myself, but that is okay, it is good to give yourself some compliments once in a while) I thought... dang, look how thoughtful I was (that is the thing I surprised myself with), my stars I was sorta eloquent, "tokens" was such an awesome word and it made me see so many blessings in my life, I so should have stuck with the journal, HA!, what is the new word going to be?... Each one of those thoughts, that seemed to all come at me at once, really seemed to validate and at the same time alleviate my concerns about feeling like I don't do enough or that I am not connected to my life enough. Because I *am* enough. And duh, Kerry, look at the dates of your posts, I get this way around this time of year. See, obvious but oblivious.

Anyway, I am starting to ramble, it is time to pull this all together. I loved the word Tokens last year because it made me pause in so many moments and think to myself "what is this a token of?". Granted I wasn't good about marking them down in a journal, but oh well, I still found those tokens and acknowledged them and kept them in my heart. I wasn't good about sharing those tokens with you here on the blog, and maybe that will be something I am better about here with the new word, but hmmm, I don't know. A little part of me is really feeling kinda guarded about certain things lately. I will think on why that is some more and that will be a post for another day.

As I thought and thought and thesaurus-ed on words in seeking out *my word* for 2010, I tried to find something that would help me continue to grow as a more connected and grounded person. I want to work on being mindful in moments and having intention in my actions. Then it came to me... my word for 2010...

Link (lingk)

-noun
1. one of the rings or separate pieces of which a chain is composed.
2. anything serving to connect one part or thing with another; a bond or tie.
3. an association or relationship.
4. a causal, parallel, or reciprocal relationship; a correlation.

-verb
5. to join by or as if by link or links; connect; unite.
6. to connect with or to become connected with.

I have had my new word with me for a few days now and I am already in love with it. It makes my stop and think "what is the link?"... what is the connection?... how can the pieces be brought together?... where is my grounding?... See, it has so many meaning and ways to be interpreted. I love my new word.

Now, what is your word?

(and ps... sorry this is a little on the choppy side, LOL, I had to keep coming back to it over several days and it just doesn't seem to flow like I thought it would. Such is my life. I wonder if I will look back at this post in 2011 and think is was as eloquent as 2009.)

Tokens

You know how when you are reading blogs and one click leads to another click? You end up some place you never would have found otherwise. This happens to me a lot. I will be at one of my "usual" blogs and they'll link to another blog, I get caught up there and click links they have posted in their blogs... it just goes on and on. I LOVE when that happens. I love coming up on an unexpected corner in some one's life. It is kinda like when you drive around the city at night when lights are on in houses and buildings, often without curtains, and you get a glimpse into a moment in some one else's life.

Well, there are two blogs in particular that I have really been enjoying lately. The first is Ali Edwards blog. I don't know much about scrapbooking but oh how this site makes me want to experiment with it. Ali's projects and photos are intriguing to me. I love her graphic style, her loopy handwriting, and the nostalgic tone to images. I may never know how to use digital scrapbook pages... but I know a blog that keeps me inspired when I see it.

A few weeks ago, Ali started talking about her "One Little Word" project. If I am understanding it right, you pick a word that speaks to you and keep it in your mind through out the year. She says, "A single word can be a powerful thing. It can be the ripple in the pond that changes everything. It can be sharp and biting or rich and soft and slow."

I see projects come up on blogs all the time. I try them once in a while, like last year's "A Year Of Everyday Life" which I totally fell off the band wagon on. I know I am a bandwagon faller offer. I get excited about things, then loose interest, and end up letting it slip. I have always been like this. Which is one of the main reason's that Ron never wanted me to buy my own kiln and torch 4 years ago. He thought for sure that it would end up being a waste knowing me and my short attention span.

I am okay with that. I am okay with being a bandwagon faller offer. Instead of a faller offer, maybe I should consider myself a jumper. I know when my attention is starting to falter, and I start to look for other things to fill the need that whatever the project was filling. At least I can say that I tried and had an experience, right?

Anyway, I am getting off track. I saw Ali's One Little Word project and it has been with me for weeks since seeing it. There wasn't a single word that came to me as "my word". But as I was typing "words" for my book... or listening to "words" being spoken to me... or seeing "words" in the world around me, I would stop a second, think about it, and wonder if it was "my word". Nope... nothing was fitting.

I started this saying there were TWO blogs that I have come to love recently, and it is time to introduce the second. Months ago, when I was doing that photoshoot for that magazine article that I didn't end up liking, my friend Cindy sent me a link to a blog with another artist and her photoshoot results. The artist is mixed media painter Kelly Rae Roberts. At the time, I didn't bookmark her site for some reason, but through one link or another, I have ended up back there a few times. Now, I check it everyday and the other day, Wednesday to be exact, I finally picked up a copy of her book, Taking Flight. I wasn't sure I needed what I thought was a "painting" book. When I picked it up, and started to flip through the pages, I discovered it reads like a book book, not a project book. Though, yes there are projects in it... but the point is the journey, not the finished project.

I started reading Taking Flight last night.

I am about to go off on another tangent here... hang in there, it'll all come together by the end.

Something that I struggle with as an artist is the feeling that I lack a lot of depth/thought/feeling in my "work". So many artists have messages they try to convey in their work, deep thought behind the decisions they make for a piece, or feelings evoked in them/others through their mediums. Yes, I put thought in to my work. BUT... I feel like I don't put enough effort into the thoughts I have. Maybe that is just the perfectionist in me... nothing is ever enough for a perfectionist. And try as I might to let the need for perfection go, I just can't seem to do it. I can find fault in so much that I do. Who wants to go around feeling that way?

As I was reading the first chapter of Kelly Rae's book last night, the descriptions along side her work struck that cord of my feelings of shallowness. She would describe how she was creating with an intention and the descriptions were making me wonder what my intentions are with my work. Can beads and jewelry have intentions? A strong theme through the dialog in Taking Flight is listening to the whispers of your heart about the life you truly want to live. It can be a longing whisper to run a marathon... or a whisper of a desire to learn to paint.

One thing I am very good at is hearing my whispers. I know the things my heart is longing to do. One of things I am not good at it is giving those whispers a chance to be realized. I think that comes from my perfectionist tendencies. Often times, I think I have a fear that I will go for one of those big dreams and fail. If I fail, then I am not perfect. I know, I know... everyone is scared of failure. I have no reason to feel like I'll fail. I have shown myself is more ways then one that I am a strong woman and when I do put my heart into something I don't fail. And then, failing at something teaches you lessons that make the chance of success that much more the next time you try, right?

Anyway... reading Kelly Rae's book has really left me inspired. I want to give more of my whispering dreams a chance to take flight in my life. Something else happen while I was reading last night too... my One Little Word came to me... "Token".

Token (tō'kən)
n.
1. Something serving as an indication, proof, or expression of something else; a sign.
2. Something that signifies or evidences authority, validity, or identity.
3. A distinguishing feature or characteristic.
4. A keepsake or souvenir.

v., -kened, -ken·ing, -kens.
1. To betoken or symbolize; portend.

adj.
1. Done as an indication or a pledge.
2. Perfunctory; minimal.
3. Merely symbolic.

I think it is a perfect word. It is "my word" and I am excited about spending time this year looking for tokens in my life. A token of love, a token of possibility, a token of forgiveness, or a token of sadness. It can be so many things. My personal hope it to find a token in each day and as suggested by Kelly Rae, I am going to start a journal. My journal won't be for my heart's whispers though... it is going to be to keep track of my tokens.

See how it all comes together?

To celebrate my word and get started on my journey, I am naming my first mixed media piece of 2009...

"Token Of Possibility No 1"

New Year, New Design

LOL... I am feeling rather pathetic this morning. Is it really 2009? I, um, slept through it. I ended up going to bed in a huff of exhaustion around 9pm. Oh well, if you have seen one ball drop, you've seen them all.

I did want to do something special to mark the special occasion though. So, I have been holding off on sharing this new bangle design... I have been saving it for today. It is a new favorite! I love love love the texture and movement in this bracelet. And now, if you had any questions about what you could do with those long tube shaped beads, this is a cool suggestion. Don't cha think? I made this for the Gallery Store, and I don't know if it is still available or not. Sorry. But never fear... there will be more. :) I am working on it.

Okay, so... looking ahead. This as good a time as any to look ahead to the new year, right? I already told you of some of my plans (no art shows). But a few of the other things I have been thinking I need to improve on is...

1) Be more on top of my "business" business. I am really bad about putting numbers into my spread sheets and now that we are going to have our taxes done by a professional, I really really need to be better about things.

2) Make more ART. I love exploring the possibilities of mixed media. (Like the new piece I previewed yesterday.) I want to explore more! I want to explore enough that I can put together a calendar for 2010 of my mixed media pieces. Lots of artists offer really cool calendars of their work. And I wanna too!!

3) Compute less, Create more. If I were to set a stop watch next to my computer and click it on every time I am online... I think I would find that I am on way more then I think I am. The internet is a HUGE part of my business/art life, but there needs to be more time with the computer put away and the creating of things being in the fore front.

4) Learn new stuff. I have already started on this!! As my last purchase of 2008, I bought a "fusing kit" from Rio Grande. It comes with a new kiln (mine doesn't reach temps high enough to fuse glass), kiln shelves, kiln wash, new glasses, heat gloves, a book... and GLASS!! I have had design ideas running like crazy around my head for fused pendants, and components. BUT, to make them the way I want, I really need to learn to bezel set. Anyone local know how to do it and want to teach me? I'll trade ya cool beads for my education :)

5) Get outta the house more. I can be such a hermit. I need to branch out. When I am working on writing, I need to get off my bum and get out in the world. So many places have WIFI. Why sit at home in pajamas not taking care of myself? When I could go sit at Panera with a cup of hot cocoa and a bagel and type in the crowds. This doesn't just apply to writing time either. Now that I am not doing shows, I won't get to talk to people. I like talking to people. So maybe we should start a beading group that gets together a couple of afternoons a month. I don't know. I'll think of something.

I think those are some good ideas to start with. OH, and they are NOT resolutions! I don't make resolutions. Hey, lets call them goals instead. These are my goals in the new year.

You got any goals?