Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Listening To A Whisper

running shoe

Anyone remember back in January when I talked about the lovely Kelly Rae Robert's book, Taking Flight? I mentioned that one of the things that Kelly Rae talks about is listening to your heart's whispers. Well, there is a whisper that I have been hearing for a long time and tried to ignore. Today, I listened.

I used to be a runner... way way back in junior high. The fact that my running days were about 18 years ago and I still long to have them back really says something. I loved running. Probably because I was that girl in school that was tormented by bullies to no end, and running, running was something that I was really really good at. It was a place to escape to, listening to the rhythm of my breath and the drum of my step on the ground.

Then... my knees started to hurt. One year, I grew about 6 inches, and when my hips popped out it threw everything out of alignment. My knee caps were grinding against my femur bone and I was loosing cartilage. I went to an arthroscopic surgeon who told my Mom, and I quote "she isn't the next Jackie Joyner Kersey... just have her stop running". And being that there was no way for my parents to afford that kind of surgery, I had to stop. Even though I was running 5min miles at the time. I used that excuse to get out of gym class anytime running was involved for the remained of my time in the public school system. Soccer, nope, my knees hurt... field hockey, no way, my knees hurt. You get the picture.

For a couple of years now, I have been saying I want to try to run again. I mention it to my aunts that are runners. I think about it when I drive down the road and see the bobbing pony tails of girls running along side traffic. There is a demon in my head called self-doubt that has been eating at me. If I buy the sneakers, will I actually run? If I run, will it hurt? Am I too out of shape? Where will I find the time?

Finally, my spirit is getting stronger then the self-doubt. Enough is enough. I want to run again. I was out last night getting Jacob his new cleats for football and I bought myself some running sneakers. They are Target cheapies, but they are a start. I woke up at my usual time this morning and threw on my shoes. I started a pot of coffee (so it would be ready when I got home). I grabbed my cell phone to keep time and I went out.

Oh how my body fought me. So I did more of a run/walk. I would run a few hundred yards, then walked a few hundred... ran... then walked. My hips are sore and my ankles are clicking, and my lungs felt like they were been squeezed in a vice. BUT, I used the time to talk to myself in a way that I hope combats the horrible ffu-s I have been feeling. FFU stands for "frumpy fat and uglies". In my head, I said things like "come on Kerry... just get to that tree... I can do this...". I think it is an amazing way to start the day. I did my walk/run for about 35 minutes, came home to a warm shower and hot coffee. And, I still have all the time I need to get done they usual things I do in the morning. My emails are answered, my kids are working on their chores, and I have 15 more minutes to hit my favorite blogs.

I don't know if I will stick with it. I hope that I do. I hope that writing about it here holds me accountable. Let's see how bad the shin splints are tomorrow, lol.

12 comments:

willowluna said...

Congrats, Kerry! You were totally being a coxswain to yourself. I used to do that when I ran. I just never enjoyed it. I hope you find your groove and peace. :)

Cindy said...

Must be something 'going around'. I have started riding the exercise bike at the gym again, I go for 10 miles in 30 min, so I am trucking! I read my book the whole time. Last week I could barely breathe, this week it is easier already! Our bodies are amazing, aren't they? I can feel it readjusting to the exercise. I can also feel extra room in my waistband and my legs in my slacks! YAY ME! You can do it Kerri, when I get close to the town that houses our gym, I try to talk myself into not going, now I tell myself it is only 30 mi. out of my night. Then I stop, now I am adding treadmill for some cardio, then I'll start to do weights and upper body.

Crafted Gems said...

I started running again in Febuary this year. The running shoes are so good now and you can get gel insoles that help you knees. Also running 'off road' ie not on pavement if you can help it is much better on your knees that road running.

mairedodd said...

congrats for taking the steps to start and facing the inner demons... i walk 3 miles... and sometimes being outside ends up just being so good for me - out of the house, away from the need to's, and away from noise... i have a friend who started a program where she walks 4 min, runs 1 ... i guess you would decrease your walk time as you get more comfortable... i think it must be a good way to start as she is still doing it! good luck... and while suffering from the ffu belief, believe in yourself... you are beautiful, talented, charming and very hardworking... give yourself a break - you are the only one who can! :0)

Kristen said...

God for you Kerry! Getting the sneaks and getting out there today was just the first step. Just another way that I admire you. I keep telling myself to "listen to you body" and my body is telling me to get up off my fat a** and do something healthy, and I will... I know I will. But you did, so good for you...and keep going! You will, I know you will! :)

Jenn said...

I loved running, too! Only I got into it way after high school. I stopped running about 5 years ago when I hit a huge wall of insomnia. Not so inspired to get up at the crack of dawn after 1 hour of sleep.

But, get yourself some decent shoes. I really regret not investing in the good shoes right off the bat. I ended up with some pretty nasty blisters just buying "the cheapies" that weren't a proper fit and my feet have never really recovered from that.

Holly said...

You can do it!

Google "Couch to 5K" and see if you might like that program. It's a really gradual way to build up to running a 5k. It will help you keep from hurting yourself and build up slowly so you don't get discouraged. Try it!

Eileen said...

wow kerry...this is huge...best of luck to you but remember to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and run gently...

i realized when training for a marathon that my body just couldn't run anymore...so now i'm a walker/hiker and love it...

be gentle with your self and your body...♥

jeanniesbeads said...

Get yourself some decent shoes, and if you need them, knee braces, and off you go. I started running with my daughter a couple of years ago, knees hurt, got knee braces, buy new shoes twice a year, and last year, did the Marine Corp Marathon! We started by run/walking also, and continue that way for long runs - CONGRATS - and keep it up - you can do it - and you'll feel that much better about yourself.
Jeannie

Kerry said...

Thanks so much for the encouragement everyone!! I am feeling pretty good this morning after. My hips are tight, but my shins feel good and my knees aren't sore. I looked into the couch to 5k program and it says to work up to things by starting off doing things every other day. So thursday and Saturday are my next running days.

willowluna said...

Perfect--you can have yoga to help your body recover from your run on Thursday! Hah!

Anonymous said...

The FFUs must be going around like the swine flu! I hope you find your inner peace Kerry. Run, Kerry, RUN!!!

Kellie Cales