Friday, August 29, 2008

The Gushing Contest

I finally received my extra copy of Wire Style! And although my Mom wants me to give it to her, I promised you all a copy. I have been trying to think of a fun way to do this here give away and I have decided that we are going to have a Gushing Contest. I find it very embarrassing when people gush about me or my work, so I want you to gush about jewelry in general, or the book, or the weather, gush about anything.

Here is the deal... leave a comment... gush about something... DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT gush about me or my work... and I will use one of those random number generators to pick the winner. The winner gets a FREE copy of WIRE STYLE!! Easy enough huh? I will accept comments until Noon on September 1st. And the winner can let me know if they want me to sign the book or not. Oh, and don't forget to leave your name!! If you could end comments with first name, last initial, and your state that would be great.

The mosaic above is of the six projects I have written up in the book. Some with different beads, some with different names... all the same designs though. There is a ton to learn in this book! Hopefully, my original jewelry that was sent in to photograph for the book will be back soon. When it is, I'll be posting it for sale on my website. You can get the book and the original piece of jewelry to show off to friends!! LOL.

Okay... get gushing and good luck.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Acquisitions Editor

I have been submitting book proposals here and there and discovered the person you address your inquiries to is the "acquisitions editor". While cleaning like a mad woman for tomorrow's book club meeting, I was thinking to myself... acquisitions... that's "acquiring things"... and editor... that's the weeding out person... so an acquisitions editor decides what gets in the door. Hey, I decide what gets in our door and what doesn't. I am the Bogert Family Acquisitions Editor!

I thought I would show some of my recent acquisitions. Oh and in the business scenario, Ron is the purchasing manager. He does the shopping and the buying. I am the acquisitions editor... I say if it was a good buy or not. LOL. And, again, excuse the grainy photos. I hate my camera.

The Mirror - Every fireplace needs a beautiful mirror. This one is just the right size for our room. Since this is a business thang, you should know pricing details... this was marked $125 and the purchasing manager talked them down to $80. Don't worry, I will be acquisition editing what will be on the mantel.

The Alcove - Remember this little nook in the new house? Well that mirror was moved (see photo below) and the table was replaced with this. The boys' bathroom is right near here and it doesn't have a linen closet or anywhere to keep the towels. I have been searching for something that would fit the alcove and hold towels. This works perfect. And IT WAS FREE!! Who doesn't love free?

In the living room - I am still working on finding out what kind of wine my living room likes. Thanks to this maple dresser, I think it likes white. Ron found this already refinished at a garage sale for $20. Add a few plants, hang a mirror (off center, of course) and you have the perfect place to store bills that need paying, playing cards for playing, photos that need photo albuming... it works. The thing definitely needs new handles though... yuck.

You know, for years I have little ones running amok in my house, so chachkeys or nick knacks were a big NO WAY!! They wouldn't last a day. But the kids are older, a little less clumsy, and no so destructive (with my stuff anyway) so I need to relearn how to accessorize. I couldn't for the life of me tell you what I like. Though I can easily tell you what I don't. I will be sure to keep you up on what goodies I put about the house. At the moment, I am like mixing light and dark woods... a lot... can you tell?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Triple Berry Pie

Having a Ho Hum day? Go berry picking and bake a pie. Blackberries, Raspberries and Blueberries in our traditonal secret family crust with a crumble topping. Deeelish.

Ho Hum

Goodness summer is dragging. I think I am as bored as my kids. LOL. I woke this morning with a kind of ho hum feeling. I don't really have anything I have to do. Sure I have lots of things I want to do, but I have settled into the fact that I won't get to do those want to things until school starts next week.

Yesterday I painted the dining room. That was fun. It was super easy and I am really happy with the color. No photos yet though. I want to hang stuff on the walls before I show you. You didn't think I was going to leave it like it was did you? No no no. It is now a very even neutral gray color and I'll be adding pops of lime and turquoise. Oh, and the highlight of the room... a gorgeous antique oak beveled glass mirror that we found at an antique store last weekend. It was marked $125 and Ron talked them down to $80. The thing weighs about 30lbs... I love it.

I am speed reading our book club book. Well, not speed reading... I don't know how to "speed read". But I like to think of myself as a fairly fast reader. I am cramming 360pages in before Thursday. LOL, easy enough. 100pages a night and I'll be done. The book? Black Out by Lisa Unger. I haven't read an old fashion mystery book in years. I am really enjoying it. The first 100 pages had me snuggling next to Ron after I turned the light out cause I got the heebee geebees. The second 100pages kinda dragged, but it is picking up the pace again. I can't wait to find out what all happened. Why am I rushing to read it before Thursday? I am hosting book club!! The hostess can't skip reading, lol. Hey, I would love to hear your suggestions of books we should read for next month. It is my job as the hostess to pick 4-5 books to vote on. The book with the most votes gets read for the next month. Leave a comment with some suggestions.

I am knitting a sweater. I don't think I have mentioned that yet. It is something to keep my fingers busy when I find myself out of things to do. I noticed in the first week we moved that I would get the house cleaned up and I would have 15 - 20 mins before needing to go somewhere or something. It isn't enough time to start a big project (we have tons of those remember). I can't just sit there and I found I was compulsively pacing or cleaning more in those few minutes. So I had my friend Lindsey help me cast on a sweater. I'll show it soon. I want to get a little farther along with it first.

See... ho hum... not much going on. I am just kinda treading water until school starts up back next week. Then I'll hit the ground running. I owe you all new bead box beads, I have those tutorials to write, I have a November art show to prep for, and I have those chairs to recover.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Things My Kids Say

While I was painting the dining room today...

Lauren: "Momma, when you a young girl and lived with Daddy at his house, did you ever see a werewolf?"

Me: "No Lauren, I never saw a werewolf before. What made you think of that?"

Lauren: "Cause Jacob says they live in Grandma's woods."

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Wanna Be My Friend?

I don't know much about about how it works yet, but I joined Facebook. I signed up to authenticate a blog and had to get an account to do it. It is pretty sad that I don't have any friends, lol. So friend request me! I'll approve you!!

You can find me HERE.

Did I hear there is some way to waste time and play games or something on there?

Friday, August 22, 2008

Gimme I Wants

And just like that it's gone... treasuries go so quickly. It was yummy while it lasted.

I snagged an Etsy Treasury!! Click here to check out a few of my current favorite things!! Isn't that fun?

Studio Series ~ Part 3

(aka a short photography lesson)

In an anonymous comment yesterday, some one said they would like to see my photo set up. I think they were surprised to see that I didn't have a big tent or dome set up with dozens of lights and a tripod.

My set up is fairly simple, and very inexpensive. I am set up on the top shelf of a short three shelf book case. I use a basic foam core poster board as my back drop and it is all lit with two lights. The bulbs are 5000K bulbs I bought on eBay, like THESE. The lights themselves are at any home improvement store. They were around $10 each.

Once the lights are on, I get a nice pool of light to set up my beads or jewelry for their glamour shot. Most of the time I can set the pieces up right in the center. But sometimes, I'll set something directly under on light or the other. It makes for less of a shadow.

These are my photos as they come out of the camera. The only editing I did was to the image size. My camera shoots the photos at 180dpi and they come out around 14" x11". I change the dpi to 72 (computer monitor size) and change the image size to what I want it. Necklaces are usually 10 x 7.5, and bracelets are 8 x 6. Don't ask my why, it is just what I do.

Once in Photoshop, I can crop the photo, adjust the white balance (levels), and sharpen the blur. And the photos then look like the one you see above. I won't get into how exactly to edit the image while in photoshop. Every version is different and I really only know my version. Basically, look for "adjust levels" and experiment from there.

Aren't these beads yummy? I am so much happier with the color combination now. And I have already started playing with the design I need these for. It is for one of the two new books I am contributing on. I have 11 tutorials and finished pieces due by Oct 1. I got to get my butt in gear.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Studio Series ~ Part 2

(aka "the putting things in" part)

First of all, something is wrong with my camera. I think it has gotten so used to taking hyper super close up shots that it can't take a candid to save it's life. And no, it isn't user error. My camera has a mind of it's own and it is choosing to not work right. It's as if I can no longer function without the macro setting. But I digress... this is a Studio Series post, not a camera rant. (Oh it is a sad blog day when I am ranting in the first paragraph, LOL!)

Ahem... the studio.

Slowly but surely I have been working on the "putting things in" part. YOO HOO!! It was that part I mentioned not being able to wait for at the end of the last studio series post. I am still messing around with the layout a bit, but I think I am close to how it will be. The big checker board curtains are shower curtains from Target. They made for an easy dividing wall and since they are plastic, they won't need washing should the basement get damp. Fortunately, the basement is very dry, but better safe then moldy. I have always wanted twinkle lights in my studio. I am so glad there is an "I" beam running down the middle of the space... it makes for a perfect twinkle light shelf. What a wonderful world it would be if everyone have a twinkle light shelf. Don't ya think?

I love my new glass space. There is great light from those windows and that blank chunk of wall will be perfect for my ventilation hood. You can see a hint of my photo set up just to the left there. It will be moving once I get more outlets down here. My kiln is all fixed too. Yeah! It was easy to replace the relay. I love taking a screwdriver to something and checking out the guts of a machine. So cool.

You can see I am already putting my jewelry desk to good use. I have a proper mess going there, don't I? All for good reason. I am working on a couple of new mixed media pieces.

Alrighty, the next part is the series will be the "making it safe" part. I need to get more power to the room, via rewiring the electric. Plus, I need to put in some ventilation and get my propane tank set up outside, then hosed into the studio. Lots to do.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

These Are The Beads

Hmmm... yeah... it was wonderful getting to finally make beads and all yesterday. But opening the kiln this morning was rather anti-climatic. Thus the anti-climatic post title. I would have asked for a "drum roll, please" had they been fabulous. I think I had it in my head that my first time back on the torch after such a long stretch would yield copious amount of beautiful beads. Instead, I found this little lowly trio. Yes, they are pretty beads, but soooo not what I was going for.

Laura Sparling had a post on Watch Me Create about beads she made using techniques from Sarah Hornik's new e-book, Think Pink. The "spreading" effect is something that I have always lusted about learning but never taken the time to experiment with. I ordered up my copy of the e-book and that was the most recent beads I had seen, so I had this technique on the brain. Would you believe that those orangish colored dots were made with a transparent pink glass called Rubino Oro? Yeah... they are. Really!

I am inspired to have this new technique under my belt. But was bitterly bummed out when these beads come out of the kiln. They just didn't have the umph that I wanted them to have. I think it is the dark periwinkle. It didn't behave how I told it to. (Much like my kids these days.) I will say, I love the side view of these much better. Especially that last one on the right. So it's back to the drawing board.

Yesterday I said I'd tell you what the beads were going to be used for. But now they are headed to the "use eventually" bowl on my desk, so I think I'll keep the intended project to myself. That is until I get the right beads for the job made. That is of course unless one of you can't live without these beads. You could save them from the "use eventually" bowl. Send me an email or leave a comment.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Let's See If I Remember How To Do This

Finally... finally...

It took me about 3 hours to make 4 beads... but after more then a month without making beads, I'll take it.

Tomorrow I'll show you the beads, tell you what colors I decided to work with, and project I plan for them. In the meantime, my legs are frozen solid from the condensation on the outside of the tank of MAPP gas. Yeah, the tank kinda sits between my legs while I work. I think it's time for a bath.

... finally.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Yellow Love

I am still on home-cation, but I thought I would pop in with a little bit of yellow from around my house.

Friday, August 15, 2008

A Little Home-cation

Just popping in to let you all know that I have lots going on around the house. I am going to take a little "home-cation" from blogging for a few days. Things need my attention and I can't tell you how much time I spend thinking about what to blog about. Hopefully by the end of this, Jacob will have gotten through his first scrimmage of the season, the studio will be back up and running, the doors will be made for the shed, the lawn will get mowed at the new and old houses, Andrew and Lauren will get through new student orientation, Jacob will be able to find his locker and a half dozen other things that I know I am forgetting.

Ah, the end of summer. School doesn't start until Sept 3rd, but there are lots of things that the kids have to do right before they actually go. And between you and me... I can't not wait for them to go, they are driving me insane.

I'll still be answering emails so feel free to drop me a line anytime. And thanks for sharing my excitement about WireStyle!! I can't wait to see your versions of my projects!! Be sure to send me lots of pics people.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008




My good friend Lindsey and I were out for her birthday celebration, as we are every year at this time. We decided to hit Barnes & Noble for a little magazine time. They didn't have the magazine Lindsey wanted so we wondered to the craft/altered art/jewelry/paper/sewing book section. We were sitting (on the floor) for about 3 minutes when all of a sudden I saw it!!

Lindsey took a video of my reaction. I was totally flipping out. But unfortunately she hit end instead of save on her cell phone. Oh well, I know it isn't something I will forget anytime soon. I completely lost it. I couldn't breath... I was smiling ear to ear... I was laughing... I was kicking my feet... I was shaking... I was crying... I AM SO EXCITED!!

It took about 10 solid minutes for me gain my composure. Though I was still shaking. I flipped through each page and stroked each photo. I can't wait for you to see which projects are inside. I couldn't show you before, but I think I can now. Anyway... it is totally awesome. They changed the back cover from what is on the Interweave website, but who cares... I AM IN A BOOK!! YOO HOOOOOO!!!

I called Ron from the store. And he was like "what book?" And he actually told me not to buy it and that I should wait for the free copy to come from the publisher. YEAH RIGHT! He is lucky I didn't buy all the copies that had!! Lindsey suggested I sign the copy that comes from the publisher and give it away here on the blog. BRILLIANT idea. I will have to think of a fun way to do the give away. I'll let you know what I come up with. Though honestly, I have been asked to sign things and I feel like an arrogant ass every time I do it. But Lindsey said no, I am not and she insists that you guys will want a signed copy. LOL.

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!! I still can't believe it is here!!

I have an absolutely splitting headache and I could throw up at the moment but even feeling sick can't get the grin off my face. I told Lindsey in the store that I think coming upon the book in the store like that was the best thing ever. Sure I would have liked to see it come in the mail weeks ago. But OMG... IT'S IN BARNES & NOBLE!! Right this very moment... on the shelf... how cool is that?!?! I got to see it for the very first time... in the store... where people are gonna buy it. I had to show the girl at the register... see... the name of the artist... same name on the credit card... THAT'S ME!!

Talk About A Big Family...

(aka: how I spent my Sunday)

It was that time of year again. Kester Picnic time!! And for the first time in a few years, almost everyone was there. A few of the grandkids were missing but whats great was that the original 13 were there.

I'll make the introductions... from left to right, top row first, in order that they were born...

Grandma, Mary, Timothy (my Dad!), Therese, Margaret, Joan, Frances, Monica, Patrick, Ruth, Ann, Elizabeth, Daniel, Helen, and Grandpa. That wheelchair that Grandpa is sitting in is actually Grandma's. She has been living with MS since Helen was born, that is 40yrs. Grandpa is now fighting bone cancer and was feeling very tired on Sunday, so Grandma lost her chair.

Now, our family wouldn't be the size it is if it weren't for the wonderful spouses that put up with all my aunts and uncles. So enter the other halfs. And yes, some of them have very wet tee shirts, lol. We had our annual water ballon fight just a few minutes before these photos were taken. And my stars... heaven forbid the all look the same direction at the same time. What's wild is all the types of people you have there... there is a billion dollar transaction banker, there is a nurse, there are artists, a dental hygentist, a pressman, an executive chef, an exterminator, some are stay at home Moms, and some are retired. It really is a crazy bunch.

And here are the results of those marriages... LOTS OF KIDS!! There is at least a half dozen of my cousins missing. Peter, Emily, Jenna, Bridgie, Eric, Samantha, Becca, Julia, and Eve to name a few. What I love is that these are all first cousins! And then I love that there are FOUR great-grandchildren in there. My three, and my little 4 month old god son, Ben. Can you find me and my sister Bonnie in there?

I would have loved to have a photo of everybody, everybody, but alas, that would mean someone would be left out... the person holding 30 cameras trying to take all the pictures!!

Sunday, August 10, 2008


I have a couple of quick things I want to pass on before I head out to our annual family reunion today.

1) My torch is finally here... YEAH!! It had been left set up at the old house all this time, in hopes I could sneak away and make beads. (never happened) My relay on my kiln going didn't allow that. But now the kiln is fixed... so I hope to be making beads, fingers crossed, by the end of the week. On my Hot Head torch for now though, as I still need to set up the ventilation hood, hoses and electric for the oxygen/propane torch. If only my work bench would shrink 4 inches and come in the door. Grrr.

2) My friend/business-ship with JOOLZ is continuing to flourish! Check out this GREAT ARTICLE in Canandaigua's Daily Messenger. Your's truly gets a little nod in it... but more importantly, you get to find out more about that awesome shop, the owner Francie, and the artists that are featured there. OH, and Francie has finally started a blog! Go to If you have ever wondered what it would be like running a high end jewelry store you'll have to tune in. She talks about the shop, she talks about the artists... she talks about getting her laundry done... it works.

3) EEEEKKKK!! I am so proud of this next one and I really am leaving the BEST for last. My good friend and one time student, Cindy, over at sweet bead studio, has been published!! And not once, but twice. YOO HOO CINDY!! You can find her "Heartstrings" necklace in the latest issue of Step By Step Wire and you'll find her "Front & Center" bangle (made with beads by me) in the latest issue of The Annealer. And looky, the bangle made the COVER! I am just so excited to see one of my students getting published. I am one proud wire Momma. I knew she could do it. To top it off, Cindy has finally added some gorgeous new jewelry to her website. And most of the pieces are sort of beach themed/inspired. Go find yourself a beautiful summer keepsake.

And that is all for the links today... that should keep you busy for a while.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Things My Kids Say

Lauren: "Jacob, Pappy asked me what I want to be when I get bigger and I telled him I wanna be a ballerina and then a bike maker. And Pap telled me that his grandfather, our great uncle, made bikes."

Jacob: "Mom, do you know what the heck she is talking about?"

Me: "Yes I know exactly what she is talking about and if you listened, she was perfectly clear. Yesterday Pappy asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up and she said a bike maker. Then Pap told her about your great-great grandfather that worked in Henry Ford's bicycle shop."

Lauren: "Yeah, Jacob, see."

A few minutes later...

Lauren: " Momma, I would like to met Pappy's grandfather some day to see his bicycles."

Me: "Oh, honey, he died a long long time ago."

A few more minutes later...

Lauren: "Momma, do you think we could go to heaven... not like to live there, but just to visit... so I could see his bicycles."

Me: "Sweetie, heaven is a special place you go to when you die. I'm sorry, but you can't visit there. But some day you'll go to heaven too and you can meet great-great grandpa then. OKay?"

Lauren: "OKay."

Jacob: "I can't wait to go to heaven... then I'll finally get to find out who my ancestors are."

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Easy Toggle Tutorial

Attention class... if you'd quiet down for just a minute, we can get through this quick lesson. Today I am going to show you how to make your own toggle bar clasps. They are fast, easy and look great paired with one of my big hole disc beads! Does everyone have their supplies handy?

What you'll need:

3in 16g Sterling Silver Round Wire
Round Nose Pliers
Chain Nose Pliers
Wire File

Let's begin...

1)File both ends of a 3in piece of 16g sterling silver wire.

2)Using your round nose pliers, find the center of your wire and wrap each side over the nose of the plier. This will form a loop in the center of the wire.

3)With the tip of your round nose pliers, start a small coil at one end of the wire. Stop coiling just before the wire end meets the straight part of the wire.

4)Take your chain nose pliers and tuck in the end, closing your coil. Then continue to coil in the wire another half turn.

5)Repeat steps 3 & 4 on the other end.

6) And you are done. This heavier gauge wire should be firm enough that it won't need tumbling.

Are there any questions?

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Why Didn't I Think Of That

First, Thank You. Thank you for the wonderfully warm and thoughtful comments and emails from yesterday's frustration post. I think having to slow down these past couple of weeks has given me more time to be nostalgic and reflective. I am one of those "learn from the past" kind of thinkers, so remembering to me is important. If I am mindful of how I have lived my life, then the things I don't want to relive won't happen again. Or at least that is my theory. LOL.

I have to say, I was a little taken back by your comments about my strength. Most days when I am writing this blog, I am sitting at my dining room table with a cup of coffee. I feel like I am sitting with a good friend. Some days the talks over coffee are light and carefree. Other days they are a bit deeper. All make us grow closer as friends. Silly to be friends with people you don't even know are out there, lol... but it works. Anyway, I don't write what I do to hear how awesome someone thinks I am. I just write what is on my mind and it is easy to share. I am honored you think I am so strong.

But, enough of the sappiness for one day. Today is a new day and I am full of some new energy! I am finally to the "get to move things in" part of the studio prep!! I put my desk up and started unloading the first box the other day. Then I got pulled in a million directions... then I painted the shed yesterday (see photos: it's yellow and Lauren helped). Today though, the rest of the boxes are getting opened up and things are getting unpacked!!

Several people mentioned my Hot Head torch yesterday. It is a torch that runs on small 1lb cylinders of MAPP gas rather then my heavy duty oxygen/propane torch. I had a "why didn't I think of that" light bulb moment! OF COURSE I could use the HOT HEAD!! But then... something I forgot to mention. Remember week before last when I mentioned I might get some torch time at the old house? Well, I got the time... but when I turned on the kiln it didn't heat up. The relay is out and I need to get the replacement part. That's another thing that will get done today. And hopefully I can get some torch time in by the weekend. YOO HOO!!!

And in additional exciting news... I had a late evening email last night from one of my magazine editors. She would like some projects for another up coming book!! So that is TWO new books I am working on projects for. How exciting is that?!? I can't wait.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Total Frustration

Do you think it is possible to die without creativity in your life? Because, frankly, I am going absolutely insane. I never realize how dependant my sanity has been on being able to create. But then again, as I sit here and think back to how I started to be more creative, I should have realized it.

Maybe it is time I share that part of my life. I have told a few people about it... friends and family know about how I got to be the person I am today. But I haven't ever just sat down and shared it here. (And for lack of anything else to write, it'll give me something to do.)

You already know that I have always been an artistic person. I took a lot of art classes in high school. It comes from my Dad. He had always been a doodler and sketcher. And when I come across drawings of his in old photo albums I am amazed. He had a wonderful eye for perspective and I think he could have been an amazing cartoonist. Anyway, he says now that when my drawings started coming home from school, he stopped drawing. It still surprises me to hear that because (being the perfectionist that I am) I can find fault in pretty much anything I have done.

As I have joked about here many times, there are a bunch of sides to my personality. Along with that artistic being in me, there was a very practical student. I worked hard, got great grades, did work study programs at Kodak (ask me about microdensitometry sometime) and tried to figure out what I was going to "be" when I grew up. It was a toss up between being an English teacher (because I love to write) and being an Architech (because I love design).

Enter in the man in my life.

Ron and I met when I was very young (was 16 and he was 24). We were both working at a local golf club. It wasn't love at first site or anything. It was something that developed over time. And me being the naive, young, people pleasing gal that I was slowly started forgetting who I was in lue of this relationship. I gave up my friends to be with him and his, I gave up the idea of going off to college to stay near him, I stopped doing the things I loved to do and did the things he wanted to do. And in Ron's defense, he never asked me to do anything... it is just what I did.

Eventually, we moved in together (my idea) just two months after I graduated high school. I did get that scholarship to a local college for visual communication and graphic design. So, I started down a college path that I ended up finding to be a total waste of time. The classes were easier then high school and with no effort at all I have a GPA of 3.925 (yeah, I had 1 B and 15 As). Ron was going to school too and working. I think we were slowly growing apart. Until... just 6 months after moving in together, we found out I was preggers.

We should have seen it coming... there is this family joke that Kester's can get pregnant if the wind is blowing the right way. We had been together almost 3 years at that point, and had tossed around the idea of getting married. But in our theoretical conversations, it was after school was done. Now that we had Jacob on the way we decided to speed things up. I was 19 when Jacob was born and then 6 months later, we got hitched. And then... 6 months after that, we found out Andrew was on the way.

By the time that I was 21, the girl that wanted to go away to college and become something grand... and never wanted to have kids... was now a stay at home Mom watching Barney for hours with no friends (gave those up remember) and had no means to busy my mind (cause I quit school). We couldn't afford to have me work, we would have had to pay for me to work with what the cost of daycare would have been. I started to feel so trapped. And I completely shut down.

In the summer of 2001, I was 23 and I had a nervous breakdown. There is no way else to put it. It was never officially diagnosed, because I refused to go to the doctors. In my mind it was everyone else's fault that I was so unhappy. It had been coming on for a while. Slowly, I just detached. I broke Ron's heart and told him I wanted to leave him. I am so thankful now that he wouldn't let me. I did end up getting a part time job bartending in the evenings at that same golf club where Ron and I met. But bartending while so depressed is never a good idea. I was drinking a lot. And after my shift, I would drive to the park and just sit in my car and cry. I didn't want to go home. There were so many times I thought about just driving away.

Just as slowly as it came on... I worked on making it go away. At some point I flipped a switch in my mind and started to accept responsibility for myself. It was my fault I wasn't happy. I needed to figure out what I needed to be happy. It started with a trip to England for a wedding. It was ten days away from everything and by the end of the trip I knew I wanted to be back home. I started remembering things that made me feel good before. I loved to read for myself but hadn't bothered with babies around. So I started to pick up "chic lit" paperbacks to fill my afternoons. I got a full time job too and let the boys go to daycare. I remember one conversation with one of my aunts. She said she went through a similar time. And she assured me that it is okay to go back to work, and okay if I needed more. Not staying home didn't make me a bad Mom.

By 2002, for some wild and crazy reason, I wanted another baby. Ron was totally against it. We had talked about things so many times and had decided that some of my breakdown that summer had been post pardum depression after Andrew. Ron was very scared that it would happen again. Plus, we had started to see the troubling behaviors in Andrew that would later be diagnosed as Bi-Polar disorder, and Ron felt all our attention should be on him. Eventually I wore Ron down. And after a horrible miscarriage, in 2003, we were blessed with Lauren.

This time, staying home was a choice. And being home was worlds different then it had been 5-6 years before. I held on to the knowledge that I needed to make sure I was keeping my mind occupied and my heart happy. No one else can do it for you. When Lauren was about 5 months old, I got it into my head that I wanted to write her name with wire, for a necklace, like the ones you see at street shows. I went to Michael's, the craft store, and by the end of the evening I had 22 pairs of earrings. The rest, as they say, is history.

So... here I am... in the new house that I fought so hard for... with the things I love so much, that keep me sane and happy, taken away. I know I am being dramatic, it's only away for a few weeks. But, I have become so dependant on my art that is like my right arm. I can't do without it. Saturday afternoon had me sitting on the kitchen floor crying. Ron wanted to know what was wrong, and I said "I just need my torch back... I need to be making things... I am full of ideas and can't get them out... I AM JUST SO FRUSTRATED!"

I know what you are thinking... just get your ideas out in your sketch book, Kerry, or go sew something, or paint something... you don't have to torch. And you are right. I can, and I will. But for the moments I can't, all this that came before is why I wish I was.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Random Life Questions

Sunglasses in the rain...
Umbrellas in the sun...

Okay, I can justify an umbrella on a sunny day.

But sunglasses in the rain?

Friday, August 01, 2008


I have this old frame from an estate sale that is waiting for a pretty beveled glass mirror. I set it on this table in the living room with flowers from our old house and the Christmas cactus. Our second night in the house, around 4am, we heard a bang. Some how, this frame had flipped over on to the floor. When it did, it took out the Christmas cactus but left the vase of flowers exactly where they were. Kinda of freaky.

What was freakier was that the next night it happened again. A big bang around 4am. But this time we couldn't find what fell. We just heard the bang.

I talked a little with my new neighbors and have found out that this house has had 5 owners in the past 20 years. Chris (neighbor lady in the yellow house) says no one stays long and the house just hasn't had someone who wants to take care of it. Sometimes I get these ideas in my head of how things are or were. I have this notion now that if there is a spook in this house, he is old and fiesty and maybe a little worried we will up and leave him like all the other families do. I feel nothing but good feelings when I walk through the house so I know he is happy here and harmless.

I wish he would scare the groundhogs away though!! They are digging up my gardens.