Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Things have been rather eventful 'round these parts recently, haven't they? We had the big countdown to that recent art show, we had the release of Totally Twisted for pre-order, we had the big flooring project, I am working on new designs as a contributor on another new book from Interweave, and the announcement about my first big foray into teaching on a national scale. It is a wild and full time.
In these past 31 years, I have gotten to know myself pretty well, and I am the kind of person that thrives on being busy. I like having big things to do and work on, though in some of the moments, I pull back and avoid, but whatever. LOL. One of the things I am trying to learn and change about myself is being okay with quiet too and accepting that I need down time now and then.
It is okay if I don't want to wash the bathroom floor and knit instead.
It is okay if I don't make my bed and listen to a pod cast instead.
It is okay if I turn the computer off and watch a movie with the family instead.
It is okay if the dishes don't get done this morning... or if the gardens aren't weeded... or if the mail is still in the mailbox... or if homework isn't finished... and I take care of *me* instead.
In recent weeks, while working with our in home therapist, I was asked what I would do if I just let the mornings go? Told the kids it is time to get up and then... just let go. Let the kids get up, they already know what is expected of them, trust that they can do it without a million prompts and reminders. What could I do with my morning? What would I want to do? You know what? Mind was completely blank. She also asked me to create a list of things I could be doing to better "connect" and get outta my house once in a while. What could I be doing that would make me feel better? I have horrible feelings of guilt sometimes that I don't do *enough* and that I should be thinking of how I could do more. But this question was trying to get to the opposite of that. What could I do, just for me, that would help me feel better? I had a few ideas, but really... for the most part, I was blank. For someone who thinks she knows herself, I sure do feel like there is so much of me that I don't understand sometimes.
I *really* want to make a conscious effort to explore a quieter side of me. That is what I am feeling right now. In this moment, while writing this post. While I am completely babbling and am totally pointless, lol. I want to be better about letting go, though I truly doubt I could ever let go enough to trust the kids would be standing at the bus stop on time. But hey, if I don't get to listing things on my website for a while, that is okay. I want to find a way to give back more, I have so much that makes me so very grateful, I want to pass it on (one idea I have is going to the NICU and rocking babies). I am just feeling so un-centered and out of balance. It is time to change the pace of things, and like the seasons (how corny am I sounding?), I need to slow down a bit.
Okay, babbling over. Anyone else wishing for a slower pace and finding a way to embrace it?