Fractured

If you are a friend on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, you might already know what is going on. To my close friends that I haven't been able to talk to yet, I'm sorry I haven't been able to let you know what is going on in a more personal way. A quick tweet that automatically updates everything is all I have been able to muster. It has been a long few days.

On Monday night, Jacob was injured while playing in a lacrosse game that was more than an hour and a half away from home. I wasn't at the game and I couldn't possibly be more thankful for the caring families that supported and cared for him until he was with me. After a long ride back to civilization (the game was in the boonies), we spent a very long night in the local pediatric emergency room. What was initially thought to be a muscle tear turned out to be much worse. It was determined that Jacob has suffered an avulsion fracture in his hip on his upper thigh bone. If you are like me you are probably wondering what the heck an avulsion fracture is. It means that his leg muscle contracted in a way that pulled very very hard on his ligament. Young and strong as his ligament is, instead of tearing, the ligament pulled a chunk out his femur bone. So, it isn't a fracture that goes through the bone, it is a piece pulled right out of the bone. The location of the break is such that it can't be cast or bandaged.

We have been referred to a local sports surgeon that will assess when Jacob can return to regular activities. He can't bare weight for 7-10 days and he is out of sports for 6-8 weeks. If you know my boy, you know that there isn't a more devastating thing in the world for him than being told he can't play. The doctors have him on some major narcotics for the pain and it would seem he may be having a reaction to them. He has had vomiting after two out of the last 3 doses. Poor guy. We are hopeful that he won't need surgery though, and that's a good thing.

We will continue to take things very slow and day by day I know he will heal. Keep him in your thoughts...

Cold Sun

Lauren has been hit with a nasty stomach bug that arrived with the return of freezing temps. Despite the bright sun pouring in the windows, it was bitter cold outside. I went around the yard and picked every daffodil before the hard freeze. About a dozen or so were in bloom along our front walk. Why let them stay outside and wither away? I'm loving the bold yellow glow they give off.

Sigh, until the little girly here is fever free for a full 24 hours, we'll be bumming around home rotting our brains with rerun episodes of Glee on Netflix. It's times like these that I tell myself I really should have a second set of tools and supplies here at home to work with when I can't get to the studio. Darn it! I guess I'll knit instead.

Heart on Hiatus



The Irondequoit Bay on my drive into the studio this morning.



Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for your emails of concern. My heart went on hiatus for a bit. And, I have to be true to myself. If I'm not feeling it, I'm not writing. I'm not sure it is ready to return yet either, but there are a few things going on that I want/need to share. Here it is... in my typical random style.

:: Last week I was a guest poster at Love My Art Jewelry. Hop over and check it out! And I invite you to take on the photo challenge I presented there... come on! I could use the doses of color.

:: I was paired with the awesome Barbara Bechtel for the 5th go around of the Bead Soup Blog Party. I'm excited about that. We have some things up our sleeves to make the exchange a bit more interesting. It'll be a challenge in more ways than one. You'll wanna stay tuned for that.

:: Speaking of the BSBP, SURPRISE!! I'm one of the contributors in Lori Anderson's book devoted to the exchange. I'm honored to be a part of it. Thank you , Lori! Click the link to see the cover art and a full list of contributors. It is a grand group of people. Look for it on newsstands Fall 2012.

:: I'm up to my eyeballs in preparations for the Bead Cruise! I have already made over 150 beads in the last 24 hours and that is just for ONE of the kits! I decided to make Light Steel Grey, Turquoise, Sunburst Coral, Transparent Ink, Clockwork Orange, and Ivory the color combination for the one of a kind, just for the cruisers, Bang Gals kit. I'll share pictures when the beads are done soaking and ready to make their debut.

:: When I get home from the Bead Cruise, I have something to share. I've kept it under wraps for a couple of months now. (NO, I am NOT preggers... don't you dare suggest such a thing!) I really really think you are going to like it.

Now, don't worry, I'm sure I will post loads more times between now and the Bead Cruise. I just thought I'd leave the last one there as a tease. If you are ever concerned again that I might have fallen off the face of the earth, I tweet... a lot (or rather at least a few times a day). So, you can follow me on Twitter (I'm @kabsconcepts) and see that I haven't been in a car accident, or that I haven't run away to Alaska in search of snow that lasts for more than 5 freaking minutes. Insert eyes rolling here... about the total lack of snow, not the Twitter thing.

ps... Monday I was feeling sad and bought myself flowers to cheer up the studio.

Aren't they a lovely shade of fuchsia-ish pinky red?

Speechless

What a difference a few days makes. Friday you got a glimpse of the glee inducing snow fall that dropped a few fabulous inches on us and if you were here today, you would be soaked to the bone and knee deep in mud. It's near 50* and raining.

The other day I sat and watched Sense & Sensibility, all by my lonesome, while Ron took Lauren to gymnastics and the boys did their own things. There is one point in the movie where the youngest sister is told not to talk about certain things and if she can't think if something appropriate, she should discuss the weather. HA!

I don't know why I keep talking about weather these days.

*sigh*

I feel completely boring. I haven't anything to talk about. No exciting things to share with you. I've been in the studio experimenting but nothing worth showing yet. I'm all tra la la la la. If you asked me something, I'm sure I could carry on about it for ages. Left to my own devices though, I'm speechless.

So... for lack of a better topic... here is a bit of random...

:: Ron and I finished watching Season 5 of Dexter (on DVD from the library) and I'm wishing we had cable so I didn't have to wait a lifetime to see Season 6.
:: my new sweater has taken a turn (or I should say, pucker) for the worse and although I'll finish it, and wear it, I'm not knitting on it incessantly.
:: Andrew is pacing circles around me at the moment because we wants me to wash his swim stuff for school tomorrow.
:: I made blackberry cobbler on Sunday night, it was delightful.
:: OH! For those of you that have been waiting... I posted all my new RINGS! Go check them out!!
:: it took 3 wheelbarrows of wood to fill bin near the backdoor. It should last til Friday.
:: Lauren bought herself a locket at the craft store yesterday... she says she's always wanted one.
:: I'm getting back in the show saddle, but until it is for sure for sure, I'm not telling you which show, but I think you'll be excited.
:: I can't believe The Bead Cruise is right around the corner!!
:: I have no idea what we are going to have for dinner tonight.
:: I finally got my act together and I've taken advantage of wholesale discounts with Parawire. Kits will now have whole spools of wire in them!! I can't wait to see them kitted up.
:: I stink at the kids' math homework, I'm not gonna lie.
:: no, I haven't painted the ceiling yet, ugh.
:: I have my heart set on us installing wood countertops. I won't be able to survive without them, I'm sure of it.
:: I <3 Pinterest.

{ and then it finally snowed }

Oh my stars, I've been grinning all day! It snowed!! It finally snowed!!! It is magical stuff, those airy bits of frozenness. I swear, my coffee tasted better today, my fingers knit happilyer, and I feel completely wrapped in all things cozy. Gosh, I just love it.

I knew earlier in the week that I would be home today. I had a meeting scheduled (which was cancelled because of the white stuff) and planned on catching up on a few things I've been ignoring. I am, indeed, home but I am continuing to ignore what I was ignoring before and I went for a long walk in the snow instead. I rocked my hubby's 1980's moon boots and his giant parka of a coat, pulled on a few toasty hand knits and headed out. The roads were yet to be plowed and you couldn't see much more than about a 100ft ahead. The wind whipped hard on the return trek but I didn't care. I loved the feeling of the ice on my eyelashes and the pink burn I could feel in my cheeks. I smiled big and laughed. I am sure the very few cars that passed wondered why the heck that crazy person was laughing while walking along the side of the road.







As for the rest of the day, I've refilled that spotted mug with some lovely chai tea, the knitting is still calling me, I've added another log to the fire, and I'm looking forward to the kids getting home and sledding. Tonight we'll feast on pot roast and potatoes. Lauren will be flipping and tumbling at gymnastics (if it isn't cancelled too). I think we aught to rent some movies and pop some corn.

Here is to the weekend.

January Sun

I'm about ready to settle into a day that looks quite the opposite of the one in the photo above. Yesterday was gloriously bright and, I dare say, balmy for January. Today, however, is dark and cold and rainy and perfect for a few hours at my torch in my studio. As I finish scrapping the last few bits of Key Lime yogurt from my cup, I'm thinking about what I'll make first when I get to my little sanctuary. It's been well over a month since I lit that hot little fire last. It feels like it's time. Some sanctuary is really needed right now.

We have had a rough couple of days here, or I should say evenings. The one I described having taken place on Monday was just the beginning. I haven't talked about it here but, Andrew, my middle child that suffers from bi-polar disorder, is going through what's called a med wash. We are trying to get a baseline of current symptoms off meds so we can best decide what to do next for him. Very slowly over the past two months, we have lowered he medications and by February he will be off all of them completely. All this has been happening under the care of his doctors, of course, but still, no one is here with us in the evenings when he is having a hyper manic episode, or when he swings the other way and struggles with something as simple as taking a shower.

Talking about Andrew and his condition is something *I* struggle with here. I used to talk about it more but as he grows, I want to respect his privacy. At the same time, want those of you that have become invested in him through the years to know how he is doing. He is very happy in his school environment these days, he wishes there was a local baseball team he could play on that wasn't competitive (OH how we lack something team related and active for kids between the ages of 12-18 that isn't competitive here), he is addicted to his new iPod... he loves the endless supply of new games at his fingertips, his hair grows faster than anyone I know and he hates to have it cut but thankfully we found an angel that will come to my studio and cut it for him, he would live in his flannel pjs if I let him, he eats us out of fruit daily, he is desperate for some snow to snowboard and sled, and he loves Rusty, our big ole deaf white cat, more than any other living creature, ever. He is truly the most simple, yet complicated, being.

Don't worry about leaving a comment today. I've closed them. There are times that I just feel compelled to share but honestly, don't want to go beyond the sharing. I'm sure you understand.

And, as always, tonight is another evening. It has every possibility of being better than the night before.

Sweet Start, Not-So-Fabulous End

Yesterday was one of those days that really flowed. Each thing I thought I'd do actually happened. I started with a quiet morning of knitting while the kids got ready for school. They are all really self sufficient in the mornings. They just need gentle nudges and reminders on what they need to be doing and what time it is. Okay, gentle might be the wrong word. There are a couple of kids in the house that don't like getting up. So, I have to flip on the lights in their dark and cozy rooms while saying about a dozen times "it's time to get up".

Once everyone was on their way I tidied up a bit and went for my run. I have felt awful, not just emotionally since Chicago, but physically as well. When I left for NYC in October, my 3-times a week runs just stopped. Then the prep for the show, where was the time to run? Then the show itself, and the aftermath. Oh and not to mention the Holidays that followed that and all.those.sweets. I know I am the only one that has the power to change how I feel. All the hard work I did this summer showed me I can do it. It isn't a resolution of any sort, mind you. It is a choice. And I am choosing to want to feel good in my body, and I'm working on it.



I was into the studio just in time for some lunch. I set to finishing the last of the rearranging I started last week and then I did something I can't remember the last time I did. I wrote a letter to a friend. Like a real, honest to goodness, pen on paper letter.  And, I liked it.

The afternoon passed with a nice long, much catching up needed, phone call with another friend. I like actually talking on the phone so much... as much as writing letters. I've decided I despise email. Though, I know, I know, it is a necessary part of my business. I wish it wasn't so though. I wish if someone wanted to tell me something or ask me something, that they would call. I could hear their voice, I could ask them about how they are doing, nothing would be lost in translation, I could write myself a note of what they needed... sigh... I like telephones.



My phone call ended as dinner prep began. We decided to have country style grilled pork ribs, roasted brussel sprouts and carrots, with some seasoned baked fries on the side. We eat good. We ate good. Homework was done, a card game of war was played, and a lacrosse practice was had. It was while the big kid was at lacrosse that the time turned not-so-fabulous. Ron had set Lauren up with a bubble bath in our master bathroom. Being 8, she likes her privacy. We don't stay in the room with her, but we were in the living room directly below her and we could hear her playing. I went up to check on her once she turned the water off. Then Ron and I sat watching a bit of TV. I'm not sure how much time had passed, 20, maybe 30, minutes when we started to hear a strange noise. Was the cat licking himself in a strange way, was is just the fire crackling? No, there was water dripping. My heart instantly jumped out of my chest. Something was wrong with Lauren...

I started screaming her name and tearing through the house and up the stairs to my room. As I ran I saw visions of her floating in the tub, lifeless. She didn't answer when I called her, over and over. I burst in the bathroom and she was completely fine... startled by my entrance, but fine... playing Barbies. I pulled her out of the tub, wrapped her up, got her safe, and we found the tub had cracked. Water was pouring into the living room ceiling. Ron had to put a hole in one area to drain the water and there will be repair work in our future. After those horrible visions, then finding Lauren okay, the relief that washed over me completely washed away any concern over the silly ceiling. I've never painted a ceiling before, but I'm game.



Let's hope Tuesday is less eventful.

Carving Out A Lovely Corner

I am finding that during this time of year, the light coming in the front window is the prettiest right around the time I leave for the studio. These magic moments happen much earlier in the summer. I can enjoy them longer. When they happen so late, my day is rolling and I can't savor it. Oh how it makes me not want to leave. It makes me want to make a bowl of oatmeal or cook a sunny side up egg or slice a grapefruit and sit in that sun. Maybe tomorrow. Today lingering wasn't possible with a half done disaster area studio I left the day before. It had weighed on my mind all night. I was still pushing the last pieces of furniture here or there in my mind as I dosed off, wondering if my choices were right and deciding where the last few pieces would move to.




Once I opened the door to my studio, I recognized that this is going to take some getting used to. Apart from moving the sink and deco table, I have essentially mirror imaged the room. I'm Alice inside the looking glass... everything is backwards. I am in love the corner of loveliness I've situated in the light. All my honey toned cabinets together make me melt. Literally. I caught myself staring dreamily at them, all bunched together, several times.

I made quick work of organizing my dozens of spools of wire. Then promptly took to hunting Pinterest for new spool sorting inspiration. I have an idea I'm going to try to put into action tomorrow.

That building manager I mentioned yesterday stopped by with some news. His ears must have been ringing. He said that there was a space on the 4th floor for me to peek at. The fabulous Lucinda had asked for dibs on it but when she read I was longing to join that floor she acquiesced. I just couldn't see myself there, though, and she could, so I passed. The right one will come along, and it won't have full southern exposure.



It feels good to have this to focus on right now, instead of walking in the door and trying to just start creating again. All the distractions are actually settling my thoughts in the way that mindless distractions do. I have ideas forming, and growing, and I know I'll get to them soon. They have more time to get stronger.

I had to chuckle to myself this afternoon, during the time I thought would be the reflection-on-my-day-time. I was reminded why I always write in the quiet morning hours... it is my time. In the afternoon, it is all Momma needed time. And now, here I am, having waited for everyone to go to bed to have some peace and reflect. I'm drained though. I still think the change is good, it'll just take some getting used to.

It is another way in which things are backwards! HA!

I'm sure the adjustment would be made greatly easier with a warm bath and snuggle under extra blankets.

Some of the Changes

I went to bed last night thinking we might have one more vacation day ahead of us had we gotten the 12 inches of snow the local meteorologists called for. There was no snow though, just bitter bitter cold. So instead of curling up and relaxing a bit longer, a studio day happened. I wasn't really sure what my first official 2012 day in the studio would bring when I woke up this morning. As I sat at the computer, and sent important emails (what are those deadlines dates again), paid bills (like my studio rent!), and then packed for the day (broccoli soup, camera, and sketchbook... check), I knew exactly what would happen... a move.

I have been begging the building manager at The Hungerford, pretty pretty please with a cherry on top, to find me a new space in the building. One that doesn't face a brick wall, that gets some good/better natural light, and is a bit closer to the other artists I visit with in the building (my hallway is rather empty and lonely at times). Two months now of pleading and nothing has opened up. And for some strange reason, apparently, it is poor etiquette on their part to kick someone out of a space just because I want it. So, I got it in my head that if I can't have a new studio, I would treat mine like it is brand new.



I set to work as soon as I unlocked my door. I let that OCD side of me take over and things started getting rearranged. I didn't have a plan, I just started unloading sleeves and clearing tables to push/drag them around. I really don't know why it never occurred to me before. My jewelry desk was in an area that had me using artificial light and my torch table was by the window in the natural light. Hmmm... doesn't it make a bit more sense to put the torch, which in bright natural light causes me to struggle to see the flame, in the area where you need artificial light? And further more, doesn't it make sense to put my jewelry desk by the window in the natural light? Yeah, sometimes I don't have a lot of common sense. Ahem.

As I slid and dragged each piece of furniture into its new place, I swept and scrubbed the floors... Cinderella Style... hands and knees and all... till the water turned black (again and again). And as I washed and organized, I was thinking a lot about the changes I have planned for myself and this blogging place.  These are by no means resolutions of any sort. These are changes I have been feeling brew for some time now. I'm not ready to tell you all of them yet, but one is happening right this minute. My post is happening... at the end of my day, not before it starts. I have been loving the way Heather (Beauty That Moves) has been sharing journal style posts that reflect on her day on her blog. I feel like I have been a little too guarded recently in what I write, though maybe you don't get that feeling. I want to share more about the things I think and do through my day... I think it's a good place to start.

And so far... it feels very right and very good.

The Year That Was

:: January ::
I left the confines of my dungeonous basement studio and set up shop in #307 of the Hungerford Building in downtown Rochester. Oh how I love my studio and I love that they only time I spend in the basement now is to run down and drab something in storage. I don't care how big the laundry pile gets. I just can't tell you the peace that settles into me when I think of my studio now. It really is the building as a whole that give me that feeling. I have meet some truly great artists/people/friends there and I think that is absolutely priceless.



:: February ::
I turned 33, a number I absolutely despise. Not because it makes me think myself old, not at all. But because I really like multiples of 5 or even numbers. 11 and 33 really are the worst. Most of the month was spent meeting my first deadline for my second book, Rustic Wrappings. But in there I did a First Friday in my studio and became more confident in myself as to what I will accept from the public and what I won't. As I have scrolled through old posts this morning, I think this one summed up February best and I think I should do that at the end of the month more often.



:: March ::
My first book, Totally Twisted, was voted Best Beading Book of 2010 and I couldn't be prouder of that. You all made that happen and you ROCK!



:: April ::
I remember April because it was the month I took the kids on their first proper road trip. We filled up the car and headed down to spend a week with my best friend Kelley in Hampton VA. It was such an awesome week. The kids are insisting we do it every April and I think I'm obliged to make that happen. We drove every where when I was a kid. There was no way my parents could afford airfare for 4, so all our cross country trips were by automobile. I love driving far away places. Hmmm.... wonder where else we could drive off to?



:: May ::
So much more of our time was moving outside. The year of the exterior started when, throughout the summer, we created new gardens, power washed and stained the deck, painted the house, and had new basement windows put in. It was also a mental turning point for me. I remember distinctly seeing one photo of myself in particular that I just could not stand. I started running on a regular basis and counting calories and the pounds started coming off. By September, I was down 35 pounds (some of which have come back thanks to the damn Holidays).



:: June ::
It was down right crazy. I turned in the final pages of Rustic Wrappings, painted the house, the kids got out of school, and I turned to just posting photos for the month as a way to cope. I am so happy I followed through on that, because Picture Color was awesome.



:: July ::
For me, July is always the most difficult month of the year. The kids are home and the initial excitement of summer as worn off, boredom has set in. We keep busy as best we can and wait for the days to pass. I knit Lauren a cute sweater in July, and I made a quilt to hang on the walls in the studio. I think I got to spend all of 4 hours total in the studio all month long. I'm not complaining, mind you. I feel very fortunate that I can be home with my kids. I know there are lots of Mom's out there that would give their right arm to do the same.



:: August ::
I gotta say, August was kinda fun this year. The last two weeks of summer I tried to do something around town everyday with the kids. We did a ton of cool stuff (like visit The National Museum Of Play) and then, we spent a few days down at my Aunt's cottage on Keuka lake. I always dread asking to use the cottage, feeling like we should just get our own, but I am always thankful when we get there. There are so many good memories in that little place and I hope my kids are making some good memories of their own.



:: September ::
And then... school was back in session and I was in heaven. And, I started preparing for what would be a whirlwind Fall. Besides school starting, ArtBliss is always a high point in the month. This year, I debuted my new class, Snaptastic, and then by the end of the month, I launched the e-course. I still pinch myself when I think about that. I always hoped I would work up the nerve to host an online class, and I'm proud I made that happen.



:: October ::
I went to NYC. Enough said. HA! So many incredible memories burned into during my week there. It was unforgettable.



:: November ::
As soon as I got back from NYC and all through November, I worked my ass off preparing for the OOAK Show Chicago. I pushed myself in ways, creatively, that I didn't know I was capable of. I made over 250 pieces of unique and awesome jewelry in just 6 weeks. All the while, balancing family life. We still had our Fall Walk, we celebrated Jacob's 14th birthday, and we had a great Thanksgiving. I think I will look back though and think it was mostly all a blur. So many hours working, so many long days... where did that time go?



:: December ::
Oh December, December, December... I think I have lived a whole year in this single month. It is another one that will be ingrained on me in an unforgettable way. The gamut of emotions are still with me and honestly, I'm still a bit tender about it. There was incredible highs and incredible lows. I am so looking forward to turning the calendar to January and seeing what this new year has to hold.

Early Morning

:: yes, I step quickly into the snow, barefooted, to get a few pieces of wood to start the day's fire
:: it is so wonderful to finally see some white and wishing it will last but knowing rain is on the way
:: last night, restless, I watched the outline of a deer graze in the dark of my backyard
:: I hate the annual debate about what is enough when it comes to gift giving
:: finished two of my handmade gifts over the weekend, starting another today
:: Lauren is completely convinced her Momma-made gift is some hand knit socks... it isn't
:: Ron decided we needed to purge and organize our master bedroom closet yesterday... I hung his golf shirts in color order
:: saw a short piece on PBS that is causing me to long to make marmalade, but sadly I only know one good marmalade recipe and the 24 half pints would probably go to waste
:: marmalade recipe... a few spoons of marmalade, cream cheese, finely chopped bacon... amazing on bagels and a wonderful party dip for pretzels or on crustinis
:: I think I know my One Little Word for 2012
:: confession, I am avoiding email like the plague... sorry... if you wrote, I'll reply eventually, promise
:: and... I am also avoiding photographing rings and brooches for my website as well
:: sometimes I say to myself "I just don't wanna" and then I don't
:: looking forward to sharing some heart whispering with you in the new year
:: since it is the holidays, let's call it heart twinkling... what is your heart twinkling?