I mentioned yesterday that I went out on a bit of an adventure. Adventure may be a slight over statement. More like a hopeful errand. I got it in my head that I needed an at-home set of art supplies. Friday, I moved all my art supplies to the studio. Paint, paper, markers, pencils... everything is up there. I also decided that I needed some inspiration and a little pick-me-up. Naturally, I set off to my local bookstore and Starbucks. The inspiration came in the form of Art At The Speed Of Life by Pam Carriker and the latest issue of Art Journaling. (confession: there is a very slight chance that I already own a copy of this issue of this magazine... oops) The pick-me-up came in the form of a Cocoa Cappuccino. Toss in that red clown nosed man in the mix and my spirits were completely on the rise!!
After I browsed the very sadly, ever dwindling, down-to-a-single-shelf, jewelry book section at Barnes & Noble, I thought I might swing by the sketchbook section. Heck, I was on a roll right? Hot coffee, wonderful visual candy, clown nose induced smiles... why not grab a new sketchbook too? You really can't have too many sketchbooks. Oh what a treat I was in for! It would seem B&N now has just a handful of art supplies. I found a set of pastels (a medium I haven't worked with since high school) for just $7 and super cool set of colored pencils that fit perfectly into the jewel case for cds for only $5. Perfectly, perfect, perfectness.
Melancholy can be a powerful thing though. So, although my spirits were good, honestly, they grew gray again pretty quickly. As I sat in my living room, fire toasty behind me, the latest Script cd playing, blank page in front of me, I completely froze. What is it about the blank first page of a new journal or sketchbook that completely paralyzes me? I know I am not the only one this happens too. In fact, I was tweeting about it and Barbara Bechtel sent me this quote:
"It can be terrifying to confront a blank canvas- is it fear of destroying it? You are about to create a world in this pure and empty space, a world in which complex goals have been set. In one way, you have become God; in another way, you know you are not."
- Audrey Flack
Completely spot on. I put some seriously high goals in my mind for that blank page... that blank BOOK. How in the world could I fill it and do it justice? I swear I started and stopped and ripped out the first page at least 5 times. Then finally, with a heavy exhale, I just started writing. Actually, I started wishing. I wished I knew where to begin, I wished I knew what the possibilities are, I wished I knew how to pull things out of my heart and I wish I knew where to put them. On and on the wishes poured out. There isn't a spot of pastel or colored pencil on the page, but it is a start. And but the end of the writing, I felt a bit more at ease in my heart. Those wishes needed to get out and we'll save coloring the wishes for another day.