Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Sometimes, I surprise myself. I like when that happens. I will have a bunch of thoughts in my head, a way that I am feeling, and I dwell/stew on that particular mind set for what feels like an eternity. Until... until something comes along and pops me in the face, startles me, and reminds me that, silly girl, your thinking is all wrong. And usually, what ends up doing that, is myself in the form of something I find in the archives of this blog. Another thing that amazes me is the very obviously cycle to my thoughts and feelings that, for some reason, can be completely oblivious to me. Yes, I mean oblivious. I don't see it until I point it out to myself. And although that sounds odd, hang in there, I think this is going to be an interesting post, and it will all come together in the end. (or at least I thought it would two days ago when I started writing this, not so sure about that coming back to it later, LOL)
It is that time of year again. The time when the calender turns, we all reflect a bit, dream/resolve/promise a lot, and the world seems to bubble with a sense of hope and possibility. I find some years I feel the sensation more than others. This year, I don't feel it as strongly as I have in the past. And that is okay. I am almost thankful for it. There is less mania to the possibilities and a little more grounding. I like that. I was thinking back on the goals I set for myself in January 2009. I grinned at myself this morning when I saw that I had succeeded at a few of those goals, and laughed at the things I wasn't so good about. They are things I will probably never be good about, oh well. I did make more art, and will keep that on my to do list this year. I learned some new things and I did cut out a lot of computer time (though I could still cut back more). PJs are just too dang comforting so I didn't get out of the house as much as I could have, and people, seriously, my business spread sheets are blank (I am going to be kicking myself for not following through on that one).
This year, goals haven't even entered my mind until I sat to write this post. I knew I had set goals last January, looked them up in the old blogger archives, and those last few sentences are the gist of my thoughts about goals this year. I guess this just isn't going to be a goal oriented year for me. You see what I mean about some years being more inspiring than other and how this one is not, yes?
While searching the archives for my goals post, I also made a point to find my word post from 2009. That was the post that smacked me in the face this morning. I have had that nagging feeling that I talked about a few weeks ago and for some reason, that post, the word post, made me stop in my tracks. Made me say to myself a bunch of things all at once. (bare with me some make me sound rather full of myself, but that is okay, it is good to give yourself some compliments once in a while) I thought... dang, look how thoughtful I was (that is the thing I surprised myself with), my stars I was sorta eloquent, "tokens" was such an awesome word and it made me see so many blessings in my life, I so should have stuck with the journal, HA!, what is the new word going to be?... Each one of those thoughts, that seemed to all come at me at once, really seemed to validate and at the same time alleviate my concerns about feeling like I don't do enough or that I am not connected to my life enough. Because I *am* enough. And duh, Kerry, look at the dates of your posts, I get this way around this time of year. See, obvious but oblivious.
Anyway, I am starting to ramble, it is time to pull this all together. I loved the word Tokens last year because it made me pause in so many moments and think to myself "what is this a token of?". Granted I wasn't good about marking them down in a journal, but oh well, I still found those tokens and acknowledged them and kept them in my heart. I wasn't good about sharing those tokens with you here on the blog, and maybe that will be something I am better about here with the new word, but hmmm, I don't know. A little part of me is really feeling kinda guarded about certain things lately. I will think on why that is some more and that will be a post for another day.
As I thought and thought and thesaurus-ed on words in seeking out *my word* for 2010, I tried to find something that would help me continue to grow as a more connected and grounded person. I want to work on being mindful in moments and having intention in my actions. Then it came to me... my word for 2010...
1. one of the rings or separate pieces of which a chain is composed.
2. anything serving to connect one part or thing with another; a bond or tie.
3. an association or relationship.
4. a causal, parallel, or reciprocal relationship; a correlation.
5. to join by or as if by link or links; connect; unite.
6. to connect with or to become connected with.
I have had my new word with me for a few days now and I am already in love with it. It makes my stop and think "what is the link?"... what is the connection?... how can the pieces be brought together?... where is my grounding?... See, it has so many meaning and ways to be interpreted. I love my new word.
Now, what is your word?
(and ps... sorry this is a little on the choppy side, LOL, I had to keep coming back to it over several days and it just doesn't seem to flow like I thought it would. Such is my life. I wonder if I will look back at this post in 2011 and think is was as eloquent as 2009.)