Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Side Effects :: Critical Eye

snowdrops from the woods

*sigh* I am feeling miserable this morning and need to talk about it.

After yesterday's post, I excitedly put on my rain boots, borrowed Andrew's swim goggles, and headed out to finish pressure washing the last bit of deck railing that needed cleaning. Ron informed me that his coworkers said I need to wait at least a few days before applying the stain to the freshly cleaned deck. So once my little 20min clean up was finished, I was at a total loss as to what I could do next. And when I have a million things on my mind, that (a lack of direction) is a very bad thing. I found myself quickly spiraling into a tailspin of moodiness. Quite literally on the verge of tears at any given moment all day.

You see, when I start to build a list of projects and things I want to work on, I get in this state of mind where I become hypercritical. Which can be a good thing when it comes to getting a job done well from start to finish, but is becomes a very bad thing when I don't have a place to focus that critical eye on. Without the blinders of a set project on, suddenly everything comes under scrutiny. The house feels like it is a mess, the projects I am working on at the studio feel inadequate, and then the worst part of all... I start to look at myself and I think *I am a mess, I am inadequate*.  It leads to a horrible case of the FFUs (my technical term for the frumpy-fat-and-ugly feelings).

Most days, I know, inside and out, that isn't the case. That it is just a moment's (or day's) warped perception and it will pass. The rational part of me tries to talk down the irrational side, but on days like yesterday (and even still this morning) it doesn't always work. Sometimes the crazy thoughts and critical views are too much for self-loving part of me take. I am sure it something everyone feels from time to time. Right?

I know I am the only one that can change my mood. So this morning, I decided some self-care is what is needed. A nice morning walk/run, a crisp hot shower, taking the time to put a curl in my hair and wear a dress that makes me feel good, and time in my favorite place (the studio) without expectations... just creating what my heart feels is right. And then... maybe then, my critical eye will be lulled shut and I can find my stride.

12 comments:

Barbara Bechtel said...

You hit the nail right on the head my dear. I've never been able to verbalize exactly how that whole process goes but that is exactly what happens to me too. :)

deehebard said...

I am sorry you are not having a good day...those feelings many time creep in when you are bound and determined a project and a roadblock gets in the way...I know that feeling all too well.
Do what brings you joy today and be good to yourself!

Christine said...

I'm having a day like that too...I've been casting about to try to find what will improve my mood, but so far, haven't hit on it. It'll come, though. Hope your day gets better. Hugs!

Janet said...

I hope your day becomes better Karry!
Days like this are no fun..big huggs xx feel better!

mairedodd said...

your plan for diverting the critical eye sounds perfect... i hope you have a healing day in the studio...

Carol D. said...

Time for a dance in the tutu? lol

Brandi said...

Ugh, I know how this feels. Your solution sounds much better than mine, so I think I'll give it a try!

Dyche Designs said...

I hate it when those days sneak up on us.

Hoping your day gets better.

Alice said...

I'm there today, and all this week in fact. Too many things to do and no time to do them, and I am unable to prioritize for some reason.

I hope your day goes better. Take the family out for ice cream this evening. That always makes me happy.

Laura Twiford said...

Well said, we all go through this from time to time. Unfortunately I am finding it happens more often now that I am over 50. I feel frumpy in my clothes more often than not and I cringe when i see pix of myself anymore. Maybe I need to get back on the treadmill again....or i could just have a glass of wine :)

Azure Islands Designs said...

Well said...I appreciate you verbalizing your feelings! Sometimes it is difficult to figure out what it is we really want/need...it will pass!

Cheers

Beauty In The Eye said...

I feel that way more often than I would like. I wish I knew the magic bullet to make it go away but I think a nice dress and working in the studio is great thing to do! I find that my jewelers saw and some metal are the best medicine I know. It'll all come out in the wash!