First things first... I was so honored to contribute to the latest installment of Interweave's Easy Wire magazine! (How cool, you can get a digital copy of Easy Wire 2011 too!) I just listed the original pieces for sale on my website. Hop on over and check them out, if you are so inclined. There are 3 earrings, 1 bangle, and a necklace too!!
My mom is treating me to a few kid-free days this week and naturally, I raced to the studio the first chance I had to get some work done. It felt like a lifetime since I had spent a few hours there. Though really, just two weeks ago, I was there... every.single.day... while I finished writing my second book. As I was out on my run this morning, I thought about what I would do at the studio once I got there. I toyed with the idea of making a vlog with more details about the things that went on through out June. But, once there, in my happy place, I got to thinking about something else.
Have you ever heard your name spoken or read it somewhere and been taken back by it? As if you nearly forgot it was your name and it takes a moment or two for it to settle in. I think Moms will be able to understand what I mean by this most. It happens to me all the time. I hear someone say "Kerry" and it sometimes takes me a moment to really understand that's me. Even as I type my name here, it looks foreign to me. I hear MOM this or MOM that about a gazillion times a day and I am sure that is what leads to the forgetting that I am actually Kerry.
I think a lot about the different sides to us that we all have. (Or rather, I think a lot about all the crazy sides that I seem have and wonder if others feel as split in personalities/titles as I do.) This time of year I find it so hard to move through my different mind sets. As an artist and mother, it is all about balance, but it is easy to be pulled to one side more than the other without even knowing you've tipped the scales. For me, I don't recognize things have become lopsided until I try to make major transitions from one to the other. It jolts my system. And I am starting to wonder if that might be one of the underlying reasons that I have come to detest summer. I go from being able to work during the day, doing what I love, spending evenings with my family to being home all day, every day, with everyone. Frustration quickly sets in from the jolt of letting go of freedom I had for months while suddenly being at the beck and call of others. Then, you throw in a random day like today... bam, freedom returned... but I am in my studio, lost... trying to remember what the rhythm was before. I was used to being home again... I was okay with it... it was working... but now what?
Now, don't get me wrong... when I say frustration sets in because I am suddenly at everyone else's beck and call, don't think I would trade being a Mom for anything. I love my kids... I love being with them, and doing things with them... but I need to be reminded that I am more than just Mom. I have to remember that my name is Kerry, too. Today felt like such an awakening to needing to be mindful of that rather than getting lost in the thoughts of one side or the other and letting resentment set in. I think it all goes hand in hand with a lot of the things I have been feeling for some time now. A multitude of things that feel impossible to articulate. They are a bubbling of awareness deep down... in my heart and in my soul. Everyday, little by little, I am discovering and crafting my life. Though I don't have the words... I know it all feels *right*.