Thursday, April 23, 2009

huh? oh wait I remember...

I thought there was something I wanted to tell y'all about, but I forgot what it was. My head is a little fuzzy today. I woke up with a sore throat and clogged up nose. ugh.

I am counting the minutes till Spring Break is over so I can head back to bed or down to the studio in peace, lol.

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I just remembered what I wanted to talk about. HA! See, fuzzy head. And when I get talking about it, you are gonna be thinking "how could you forget that is what was on your mind?"

I think it is just the kids being home for Spring Break, but I am feeling all pent up and ansie. Do you get like that? I am sure everyone does. I have energy, and eagerness... and no where to direct it. I have painting ideas, bead ideas, design ideas, garden ideas, house ideas... and surprisingly not to the point of being overwhelmed, but to the point of frustration. To the point that I am crawling out of my skin wanting to escape.

The weather has been dreary and it has me wanting to hide in the studio blaring music and twirling in my tutu. But I can't. And I feel like whining about it. I guess part of the frustration is that this feeling of wanting to create can be so fickle, there one minute and gone the next, that I want to relish in it while it is here. Before it is too late.

I tell myself that I should be enjoying the time I have with the kids while they are here. But they really aren't any fun right now. Jacob, the oldest, is being a tyrant, even going so far as to call me "stupid" which promptly got him a one way ticket to his room where he feel asleep for a two hour nap yesterday. Andrew is so-so. Finding balance with meds is still on going and he is floating in between places right now where if he isn't hyper-focused to the point of obsession on a very specific thing (right now it is baseball and talking to a certain friend on the phone) then he is complaining that "there.is.nothing.to.do... what.am.i.supposed.to.do?" Drag out each word to into about ten syllables when you read that and repeat it several dozen times and you might start to come close to what I have been hearing lately.

Saying that out load makes me feel like I am being selfish. Ugh. I just know me, and this is why I could never home school, and this is why I dread summers, and this is why I eat more chocolate then I should (it calms my nerves). It is okay to be selfish, right? It is okay to want more then watching cartoons and building forts? I never was much of a "player" even when I was a kid. My Mom says she used to have to take my books away and force me to go out side and play. Sorry your Mom is no fun, kids.

I was going some where with this but got lost in my fuzzy head. Anyway... I am here, in am bouncing on my heels waiting for some time to create, and I am trying to find some balance.

8 comments:

gaffergirls.com said...

hey fuzzy pretty girl...
come visit ... and smile :0)
we love your work..
mona & the girls
have a sunny weekend

tstreasures said...

Well I don't have kids so can't make a great comment but many people would say I'm selfish for being married 20yrs and NOT having kids. I certainly believe that just because you have kids does not mean that you are now not allowed to be selfish ever. I think people equate this occasional selfishness with not loving your kids and I truly believe that that is never the case.

lisa oram said...

I'm like that, too, with the play thing. People say that having kids gives grown-ups a chance to play again, but I never played the first time, so I'm no good at it, and I don't like it. I like to make. I like to sit. I like to walk. I like to cook. The things I like to do result in something. Play is just play. And that's a great thing for kids. And I'm glad my kids get to play more than I ever did, but it's just not good for me. Which makes it hard to be the mom. I get that. I really do. And we're on spring break, too. Hang in there.

Deb said...

Ahh Kerry - I'm like that too.

I'm counting down the days until my kids going back to school next week, even though I know I shouldn't.

I think of the holidays as Creatus Interuptus.lol!
The great New Zealand school system has these 2 week breaks 3 times during the school year, & then a great long one over Christmas of 6 weeks, (our summer).erg!!

Sylvie Elise Lansdowne said...

Kerry,

This is the first time I've read your blog. Another beadmaker sent me a link. Love your work!!!

ANYWAYS... I've been blogging about my beadmaking since 2001 and I remember a post back in 2003 (?) where I wrote about the exact same thing and decided that summer camp was cheaper than a trip to the mental hospital... because that's where my kids were going to send me if I had to spend EVERY day of the whole summer listening to "what do we do now???"

Wishing you a very peaceful week next week when they're back in school.

I'll celebrate Margarita Monday with you this fall... that's what I call the first day of school!!!

LLYYNN - Lynn Davis said...

Kerry, I've tagged you for Catherine Witherell's MEME, if you want to play along and keep the fun going, have fun! Lynn

Jennifer Cameron said...

No, not selfish at all. After all, moms are human too and need their own time. Creativity is a funny thing. I have the most ideas when I don't have time to implement them. When I have time...POOF! they're gone or I don't feel like making anything.

How I solved the "I'm bored" mantra is to give them ideas of what to do that they will HATE and will be required if those words are uttered in my presence a second time. Examples: clean the toilets, mop the floor, run the vacuum, pick up the toys in the playroom, clean the litterbox, etc.

Also, on days when they are driving me crazy, or I'm just cranky, everyone has "quiet time" in their own rooms with a book or magazine or whatever. It's not a punishment, just downtime for everyone including mom. It may be an hour but often runs longer.

Pretty Things said...

I finally got tired of Zack saying there was nothing to do, so I sat down and wrote out all the different things he could either do or play with, cut each thing out into a strip, folded them up, and dumped them all in a bag. Now when he says he's bored, he goes to the bag and pulls something out. Helps him remember what he has!