Thursday, February 12, 2009
I am in a crappy mood. It s a stinky rotten smelly awful mood. I am talkin' it's a don't-bother-talking-to-me-because-I-will-probably-bit-your-head-off-or-give-you-the-silent-treatment kind of mood. I hate this mood. After yesterday's good day, I don't see why I am being so grumpy. Makes me think I am just as bi-polar as my son. Then I remind myself that it probably just the time of the month that I always get moody. Stupid girly issues.
So, I am trying desparately to figure out a way to improve my mood. Before the phone rings and I get snappy or crabby with a girlfriend calling to check in. Before I bark at Ron about his whinning that he does't know what I want for my birthday. (No, he isn't really whinning, I am in a bad mood and just saying he is. He is actually trying really hard to figure something out.) Before the kids get home from school and I make them sit in the rooms for doing nothing, lol (I don't actually make them do that, but I have thought about it). Before I put my kitten Rusty out into a snowbank for pouncing on my laptop and posting my blog before it is finished, Grrr. Before I wake up tomorrow morning because tomorrow is my birthday and I don't want to spend it miserably.
It is hard to combat this type of mood. I am already in a miserable state, so how to improve it. See, it fights every attempt at over coming it. I say to my moody self... "you are going to paint something today..." and my mood says back "you can't paint, you have to make beads for the special project"... "but I don't wanna make beads today... my beads are stupid, they are crappy, no one will want to use them in any projects"... "you don't have a choice, you have a deadline and those beads need to be in tomorrow's mail"... "fine, whatever, I will make beads... but I won't like it". I sit a moment and read the blogs that keep me so inspired. I start to get a twinkle in my eye. I think "I don't have enough whimsy in my life... I need some fun... some adventure...", then the mood says back "oh yeah? how you gonna do that? it is pouring outside". I think "I really want some play clothes, yeah... dress up clothes Momma size... maybe I could make myself a tutu like I made for Lauren at Christmas... then we could have a tea party after school together." Mood balks back "HA, do you know how many yards of toole it would take to make you a tutu?" I say shut up to my mood and go back to sulking... I straighten up the living room... I do the dishes... and I settle into staying my pajamas all day.
You know, I probably shouldn't vocalize my mental arguments with myself. LOL... it isn't helping anything.
Well no, wait a minute... there was a LOL in that sentence... that means I laughed... I giggled to myself. All hope to improving my mood today is not lost. Okay new plan... I am headed to the studio now. I am going to set a timer and make beads for just a bit... just long enough to make what I need to fill my resposibilities. Then... I am going to throw Lauren in the car and we are going to the fabric store and buying some toole. I will make myself a fufu tutu and when it is done, I will paint in the studio while twirlinig in my tutu. Silly sounding I know... but I need a silly day today, I think.