Thursday, February 12, 2009

Where Is Some Adventure

Little One

I am in a crappy mood. It s a stinky rotten smelly awful mood. I am talkin' it's a don't-bother-talking-to-me-because-I-will-probably-bit-your-head-off-or-give-you-the-silent-treatment kind of mood. I hate this mood. After yesterday's good day, I don't see why I am being so grumpy. Makes me think I am just as bi-polar as my son. Then I remind myself that it probably just the time of the month that I always get moody. Stupid girly issues.

So, I am trying desparately to figure out a way to improve my mood. Before the phone rings and I get snappy or crabby with a girlfriend calling to check in. Before I bark at Ron about his whinning that he does't know what I want for my birthday. (No, he isn't really whinning, I am in a bad mood and just saying he is. He is actually trying really hard to figure something out.) Before the kids get home from school and I make them sit in the rooms for doing nothing, lol (I don't actually make them do that, but I have thought about it). Before I put my kitten Rusty out into a snowbank for pouncing on my laptop and posting my blog before it is finished, Grrr. Before I wake up tomorrow morning because tomorrow is my birthday and I don't want to spend it miserably.

It is hard to combat this type of mood. I am already in a miserable state, so how to improve it. See, it fights every attempt at over coming it. I say to my moody self... "you are going to paint something today..." and my mood says back "you can't paint, you have to make beads for the special project"... "but I don't wanna make beads today... my beads are stupid, they are crappy, no one will want to use them in any projects"... "you don't have a choice, you have a deadline and those beads need to be in tomorrow's mail"... "fine, whatever, I will make beads... but I won't like it". I sit a moment and read the blogs that keep me so inspired. I start to get a twinkle in my eye. I think "I don't have enough whimsy in my life... I need some fun... some adventure...", then the mood says back "oh yeah? how you gonna do that? it is pouring outside". I think "I really want some play clothes, yeah... dress up clothes Momma size... maybe I could make myself a tutu like I made for Lauren at Christmas... then we could have a tea party after school together." Mood balks back "HA, do you know how many yards of toole it would take to make you a tutu?" I say shut up to my mood and go back to sulking... I straighten up the living room... I do the dishes... and I settle into staying my pajamas all day.

You know, I probably shouldn't vocalize my mental arguments with myself. LOL... it isn't helping anything.

Well no, wait a minute... there was a LOL in that sentence... that means I laughed... I giggled to myself. All hope to improving my mood today is not lost. Okay new plan... I am headed to the studio now. I am going to set a timer and make beads for just a bit... just long enough to make what I need to fill my resposibilities. Then... I am going to throw Lauren in the car and we are going to the fabric store and buying some toole. I will make myself a fufu tutu and when it is done, I will paint in the studio while twirlinig in my tutu. Silly sounding I know... but I need a silly day today, I think.


LLYYNN - Lynn Davis said...

Kerry, your mind is arguing with your spirit - paint a smile on with lipstick if you have to! Your mind will think it's absurd and your spirit will giggle in spite of itself!

Holly said...

I think it sounds like a terrific idea. While you are at it, you should get some sequins and rhinestones and glitter and make a tiara. Lauren should probably help. Tiaras make everything better, trust me.

deehebard said...

Surrender and follow the flow!

Knowing you, you will come up with some beautiful inspiraion from all the colors at the fabric store!

Have a fun day...Deedee