Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I am is such a state of limbo here in the ole KAB studio. I am treading water. I am on tenterhooks. I am flying in a holding pattern. But I am not one to stand with curlers in my hair. My breath has been bated too long and I am starting to turn blue. A serious shade of sad blue. Suspense is killing me and I need to be put out of my misery. I am sure everyone comes to this place now and again. I took a big risk and I need to have patience, I have to wait. I need to have faith. I have to know that what is meant to be will be. All so easier said than done.
I wish I could create my way through this waiting, but my energy feels spread to thin and I just can't find the mindset to paint or bead or knit or sew or anything. I just pace and wonder and dream and sulk and have a random water gun battle and pace and hit refresh on my email a million times and debate internally and sulk and wish and dream and oh-woe-is-me a while and pick peas in the garden. It is a vicious cycle and it is messing with my head. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't hold a train of thought for long and I can't concentrate on anything. I just want to shake myself awake, but worry if I shake too hard my dream will slip away. I don't want to give up on it yet. *sigh*