Tuesday, September 22, 2009

In Our Home

sunflowers

Life is a roller coaster ride, right? Or so they say. Full of ups and downs. Yesterday's post was one of the ups and unfortunately, today's is going to be one of the downs. I was very tempted to just let this day go by without a post at all. Part of me feels bad when I talk about certain topics, like I am burdening you all. Another part of me needs to write about those things though. I try to remind myself that this blog is about art and life, so whether it is good or bad, it can all be here.

I think I have mentioned before, the new meds aren't working for Andrew. Or rather, they work for a week or two and then stop. So we increase the dose, it works for a bit, and then it stops. There are new possible diagnoses being talked about to explain why he seems to be so unresponsive to meds. In the meantime though, our doctor put us in touch with a group called Home Crisis Intervention. Today we are starting six weeks of in-home family therapy three times a week for 2 hours at a time. It is a huge commitment. And I have been told it will be primarily for Ron and I, to work on refreshing parenting skills and to give us new things to try.

Needless to say, I am a nervous wreck. It is one thing to drive to a doctor's office once or twice a week and talk about what is going on. It is a completely different thing to bring someone into our home. There is no "spinning" the bad, it is all going to be right there. Will they think we are bad parents? Am I a bad Mom? Can this really help us? There is an art show in a few weeks, how will I be ready? Can I find balance? I have got a million and one questions floating in my head.

I am not fishing for oh-you're-a-wonderful-mother comments. I just want things to get better. I would love a day where I didn't have to break up a fight between the kids, where homework is done without a meltdown, where they can enjoy each others company, with kisses goodnight on the forehead at bedtime. Really, am I asking too much? Do those days not really exist?

Today is just... ugh.

15 comments:

Lynda said...

Good Morning:

I hope this goes well for all of you. Sending you my very best.

mairedodd said...

hmmm... ok, about the homework getting done, no fighting, etc - i haven't experienced that yet(or not all kids doing it on the same day at least)...
about your in-home therapy... just remember, they aren't there to judge you, just to help... but being around therapists can put you on the defensive, make you start doubting yourself... and like you pointed out, that is in the comfort of THEIR office... i had nurses in my home 12 hrs a day because of my youngest... and have had teachers and others come in for 10 yrs... it is stressful... they end up seeing the good the bad and the ugly!... these people are coming to try to equip you guys with a set of tools...
be yourself, you are doing the best you can in a difficult situation... i have this belief that you wouldn't be holding this hand if the universe didn't think you were up to playing... doesn't mean it is easy or that you cannot melt down or want to escape sometimes... your kids are lucky to have you guys...
you are a level-headed woman and intelligent, any therapist will see that... relax & good luck -

mairedodd said...

p.s. - you are not burdening, you are human...

Eileen said...

wow kerry...i have so much to say and can relate so well...here are the words i can give you today...

* there are no BAD parents...we do the best we can or know how...there is always room to learn and grow...

* look at life's situations as opportunities toward positive change...

* take each day one at a time, sometimes it is one hour at time or even one minute at a time...

* BREATH IN... BREATH OUT...

"WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU A HUNDRED REASONS TO CRY, SHOW LIFE THAT YOU HAVE A THOUSAND REASONS TO SMILE!"

take care... ♥

crymson said...

hugs

sundownbeaddesigns said...

meltdowns, homework issues, kids not getting along...I think all this is normal...at least is in my house. Just remember all the things you and your family have to be thankful for...although it can be difficult at times like this

Best wishes! :)

Holly said...

i am sure the therapists aren't there to judge, they are just there to help. and as long as you are doing this to be the best help to andrew that you can be, no one will think you are a bad mom.

Lisa said...

I feel your pain, only with just one child (now teen), the battles are always with me...the mood swings and med swings make it seem like a bad tennis match trying to keep up. I end up shellshocked most evenings and it sucks the creativity from the sould. And DH works out of town most weeks (lucky for him and not always for me) so he just doesn't get it. I hope the therapy is helpful...wish someone had suggested something like it for us years ago...And just know that you do the best you can, but no one ever said it would be so hard at times, did they (and if they did, they had no idea).

jhayssen said...

I give you a universe full of kudos for taking this step. But don't forget that not only will you learn things that might work better for Andrew, the therapist will learn as well. S/he will see Andrew in his real environment, surrounded with siblings, homework and so forth, as opposed to always seeing him in a sterile office setting. Two hours sounds like a long session but I suspect it takes around an hour for everyone to forget the therapist is there and to 'act natural'. S/he will be there when a crisis takes place and can offer you immediate guidance. And she will also witness the very possibility that perhaps her guidance does not work either. I think this will help you and Ron enormously, but I suspect it will also help the therapist to really see Andrew, to understand better what he is struggling with, thereby hopefully being able to offer truly effective solutions.

deehebard said...

Kerry...i am so sorry for your struggles. I hope that the experts will be able to help your family...never doubt yourself. What you do comes from love...I hope that you are all able to find peace in all this. Deedee

Christine B. said...

Oh Kerry. I have no advice, just a hug and some good thoughts for you and your family during this new situation. I'll be thinking about you. Peace to you and yours.

Pretty Things said...

Hey, you know I am ALWAYS here, and I feel your pain.....

Nonie said...

Cheers to you Kerry. You do what you do out of pure love for your family.
Sending you all the hugs and warm thoughts I can.

Lori Michaud said...

This is a GREAT thing, Kerry. We had similar help with TJ. Gosh, I do wish I lived closer. Your family is living through exactly what we lived through with TJ. We also had in-home assessments and therapy, it's great for them to work with you all at home. The kids are more relaxed, and their true personalities and issues present as they are. The therapist is there to help you all. Let your life be an open book, it's the only way he or she can help you.

Just keep plowing through, never give up. You do the best you can with what you have to work with. If Ron has a bad day, you step up. If you're having a bad day, Ron needs to step up. Support each other, and also give yourselves time away from home. Even if it's just to go get an ice cream and take a drive. It'll rejuvenate you.

You love him, that's evident. Just keep loving him. Take care.

Alice said...

If you were bad parents you would not have agreed to these in-home sessions. Don't beat yourself up--you're doing what needs to be done.

Each day, start out with a deeeeep breath, and mentally list your blessings (comfortable bed, nice home, God-given talents, food on the table etc.). Take each day as it comes.

As for the shows, and everything else you have on your plate--it will all work out.

Blessings to you and your family.